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A Dope Comedy Routine About Drugs

by Ballard Quass, the Drug War Philosopher

November 5, 2023



Click the audio "play" button above for a short fun comedy routine 1 about lousy evil rotten horrible bad junkified DOPE!!!!!!!!!!!!!



MOM: Where are you off to so fast, sweetie?

SON: There's a Dare rally at the Capitol. I'm going down there to just say no to drugs.

MOM: Did you remember to take your meds?

SON: Yes, Mom, I popped the whole batch of them on my way through the kitchen.

MOM: Careful, dear. You're going to spill that Red Bull you're holding.

SON: Ohh, I almost forgot. I was hoping to pick up some Busch Beer for Dad's upcoming party on my way back. Can you spot me a 20?

MOM: Only if you'll pick up a box of Virginia Slims for me.

SON: In that case, you better give me your credit card. I don't think it's safe for me to carry all that money around at night.

MOM: Here you are, you dope.

SON: Dope, dope. I just say no to dope, remember?

MOM: Touché. Oh, and congratulations, Joey.

SON: For what, Mom?

MOM: I heard you passed your urine test to work at the local ABC store.

SON: What can I say? Jesus himself could not have had more impeccable urine than yours truly.

MOM: I'm proud of you, Joey.

SON: Ohh, stop it, Mom!

MOM: Now have a good time at the Dare rally.

SON: I just hope I don't run into Derek.

MOM: Why don't you want to see Derek? I thought he was your best drug-free friend.

SON: He is, but he and I had a falling out about American drug policy.

MOM: Really? What happened?

SON: Well, he agrees with Los Angeles Police Chief Daryl Gates that drug users should be taken out and shot.

MOM: Sounds like a reasonable point of view to me.

SON: Whereas I think William Bennett had the right idea when he said that drug users should be beheaded instead.

MOM: Well, now I think that's a topic upon which reasonable people can disagree.

SON: I'm off.

MOM: Oh, and we're all out of coffee. And Tylenol now that I think of it.

SON: Mom.

MOM: Oh, and if the pharmacy is still open, your sister needs her pills for depression, anxiety and ADHD.

SON: I tell you what, Mom, why don't I just bring back the entire store?

MOM: Don't be such a dope.

SON: Dope, dope?

MOM: I know, I know. You don't do dope.



Notes:

1: COPS PRESENTS the top 10 traffic stops of 2023 (up)


Comedy




The drug war is laughable -- or it would be if the drug warriors hadn't deprived us of laughing gas, the substance that William James himself used to study alternate realities.

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  • Ten Tweets

    against the hateful war on US




    I wish someone would tell Getty Images to start earning an honest living. I bought AI credits only to find that words like "mushrooms" and "drugs" could not be used. Nor "blood," nor "violence." And they refuse to refund my $14,99. Who is their service for, Ozzie Harriet?

    There are endless ways that psychoactive drugs could be creatively combined to combat addiction and a million other things. But the drug warrior says that we have to study each in isolation, and then only for treating one single board-certified condition.

    Drug prohibition is the perfect racist crime. It brought gunfire to inner cities, yet those who seek to end the gunfire pretend that drug prohibition has nothing to do with it.

    Science knows nothing of the human spirit and of the hopes and dreams of humankind. Science cannot tell us whether a given drug risk is worthwhile given the human need for creativity and passion in their life. Science has no expertise in making such philosophical judgements.

    If any master's candidates are looking for a thesis topic, consider the following: "The Drug War versus Religion: how the policy of substance prohibition outlaws the attainment of spiritual states described by William James in 'The Varieties of Religious Experience.'"

    Attempts to improve one's mind and mood are not crimes. The attempt to stop people from doing so is the crime.

    I might as well say that no one can ever be taught to ride a horse safely. I would argue as follows: "Look at Christopher Reeves. He was a responsible and knowledgeable equestrian. But he couldn't handle horses. The fact is, NO ONE can handle horses!"

    And so, by ignoring all "up" sides to drugs, the DEA points to potential addiction as a knock-down argument for their prohibition. This is the logic of children (and uneducated children at that). It is a cost-benefit analysis that ignores all benefits.

    Cop and detective shows are loaded with subtle drug war propaganda, including lines like, "She had a history of drug use, so..." The implication being that anyone who uses substances that politicians hate cannot be trusted.

    The drug war is is a multi-billion-dollar campaign to enforce the attitude of the Francisco Pizarro's of the world when it comes to non-western medicine. It is the apotheosis of the colonialism that most Americans claim to hate.


    Click here to see All Tweets against the hateful War on Us






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    Copyright 2025 abolishthedea.com, Brian Quass

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