AbolishTheDEA.com
October 27, 2019
How Drug Warriors Steal American Elections
by Ballard Quass
Welcome back to the DEA Lounge!
APPLAUSE
How many people realize that American elections are fixed? Let's see a show of hands.
GASP
You heard me. American elections are fixed, and they have been fixed for the last 40 years.
GASP
How? No, it has nothing to do with the Russians. It's because the drug war, each year, is locking up almost a million left-leaning voters.
GASP
Think about it. The folks that we're arresting for mere drug possession were never going to vote for conservatives, so it follows that it is in the conservative interest to keep the drug war going full tilt, to keep a million left-leaning Americans off the voting rolls every year.
GASP
This is why the drug war goes on, because we're arresting all the voters that would throw the drug warriors out of office.
BOO
Nowadays, we see national elections decided by mere thousands of votes -- so just imagine the enormous benefit that drug war conservatives receive when a million of their opponents are removed from the voting rolls every year thanks to a felony charge for possession.
GASP
Did I mention that this actually bothers me?
APPLAUSE
This is why, far from apologizing for being mad, I urge my fellow Americans to become as pissed as I am.
APPLAUSE
As for the Christian Science narcs in the room, relax. I'm just suggesting -- merely hinting -- that you just possibly might want to consider a career that does not entail the corruption of American elections and the denial of basic rights to your fellow Americans, that's all I'm saying. Just think about it. Just think that you might possibly (just maybe) want to stop ruining a million lives a year, thereby subverting American elections. Fair enough?
LAUGHTER
As for the rest of you lot, enough with the oh-so-cool cynicism about civic involvement. Hop out of the urine-testing line and complain for a change!
Baaaa!
All right, who just bleated? Don't make me come out there!
