AbolishTheDEA.com September 24, 2019

Stand Up for Mother Nature

by Ballard Quass






Welcome to the DEA Lounge!

Gee, I wonder why my agent booked me here. He does realize that I'm going to be riffing on the folly of criminalizing Mother Nature, right?



Oh, well, better he book me here than he book me in San Quentin, right?


Do you guys know that the DEA marched on to Monticello in 1987 and took away Jefferson's poppy plants?



I kid you not. Talk about rolling over in one's grave, Jefferson would have been pissed big time.



He's like, "what the f...!"

LAUGHTER

"I wasn't half right about the need for frequent revolutions!"



But seriously, isn't that screwed up?



Earth to America: they're plants, dude! What are we thinking?



Boo is right! I mean, it reminds me of Fahrenheit 451, in which a tyrannous government destroys books.

Mind you, I'd rather live under that tyranny. They just tell me WHAT to think, whereas modern-day drug laws tell me HOW and HOW MUCH I can think...




...because they destroy the mind-expanding drugs that actually help me think outside the box and grow new neurons, even!



Darn right, boo. Boo to the max, dawg. As in ruff!




What kills me is that in John Halpern's book "Opium," he paints the bland picture of the DEA reluctantly taking the plants away at the insistence of the Monticello Board of Directors. Whereas the way I hear it, the DEA stormed onto the place like so many...



Well, if the jackboot fits, wear it, right?




My name is Ballard Quass and I'll be here lambasting the drug war until the government thinks up a way to outlaw free speech.




Hey, if a government can criminalize plants, all bets are off, right?








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Next essay: Review of When Plants Dream
Previous essay: Time to Replace Psychiatrists with Shamans
There was no drug problem in Ancient Egypt. There was no drug problem in Ancient Greece. There was no drug problem in Ancient Persia. There was no drug problem in Ancient Rome. There was no drug problem in the Mongol Kingdom. There was no drug problem in the Viking Era.

Why? Because until 1914, people were judged by how they behaved, not by what substances they had in their digestive system.

The Drug War is America's unique, anti-scientific way of looking at the world. It is a war that causes all of the problems that it purports to fix: above all, it brings "drugs" front and center in the minds of the irresponsible, encouraging them to explore and use substances that they might have never even heard of without the peurile and anti-scientific plant demonization of drug war zealots.











Now Showing

Comedy Sketches
Drug War Rap Music
Fun with Urine Testing
Stand-up Routines



Fun with Urine Testing

Welcome, Patriotic Pissers


More pics every week!

Get an exciting job ruining the lives of your fellow Americans. Listen to this fun audio clip to find out how!









Help America enforce Christian Science Sharia. Help nail the anti-patriotic scumbags who insist on using mother nature's plant medicines of which politicians disapprove. Great benefits. Must pass a squeaky clean drug test, proving that you have emphatically renounced all of mother nature's godsend plant medicines.






Can't pass a urine test? Order a vintage bottle of Granny's Weewee today, guaranteed squeaky clean. We use only the finest urine from teetotaling grandmothers, who gave up their right to mother nature's psychoactive plant medicines many decades ago. Why not splurge and buy the 1945 vintage? You don't want to pass up a job at Taco Bell because you were stingy! This early vintage has a great down-home bouquet and will remind the lab technicians of the good old days of Grandma and those great pies that she used to bake (or whatever).










End the War on Drugs

by Christian Science Heretics



Mine by Birth

by Thomas Jefferson and the Poppies



Waxing Wroth (about America's Drug War)

by God and His Minions










Urine testers needed to ruin American lives





Your Call is Impotent to Us





Movie Review of Running With the Devil 2019





Drug War Jeopardy





Drug War Virus Update









Manager's note: All of our comedians have undergone drug testing. None of them have been found to be using anything but the most mind-enhancing and therapeutic plants in Mother Nature's psychoactive pharmacy.

A Drug Warrior in our Midst

Comedian Adderall Zoloft Riffs on the Drug War

Drug War Copaganda

The DEA: Poisoning Americans since 1973

The Joy of Drug Testing







Dear Reddit readers: I do not respond to Reddit messages for at least three reasons:
  1. Some of them are mean-spirited nonsense.
  2. Some of them are non-mean-spirited but nonsense all the same.
  3. Some of them are simply wrong-headed but inspire me to write fully reasoned comebacks, for which I simply don't have time.
If you really want to reach me, however, my name and email address can be found in a reasonably intuitive location on this site, so feel free to contact me there. I'll assume that anyone who takes the time to do so will have something meaningful to say ;)


Bone up on slam-dunk arguments against the drug war, starting with the fact that it was a violation of natural law to outlaw plant medicine in the first place. Check out the site menu for fun ways to learn more about the manifold injustice of the status quo, including many knock-down arguments never made before. Why? Because even the majority of drug-war opponents have been bamboozled by one or more of the absurd assumptions upon which that war is premised. See through the haze. Read on. Listen on. And Learn how tryants and worrywarts have despoiled American freedom, thereby killing millions around the world, totally unnecessarily, ever since the fateful day in 1914 when ignorant America first criminalized a mere plant -- and insisted that the rest of the world follow suit or else -- an act of colonialist folly unrivaled since the day of the genocidal Conquistadors.

Abolish The Dea




Abolish the DEA image featuring machine-gun-bearing DEA officers enforcing drug law sharia, cracking down on Americans for using Mother Nature's freely offered bounty

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