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We have nothing to fear but the drug war itself

a brief comedy sketch in protest of America's hateful policy of drug prohibition

by Brian Ballard Quass, the Drug War Philosopher

August 29, 2025



Live from the DEA Lounge, we present Johnny O'Clonapan.

What's up, Philly?

How many people want to end gun violence 1 in the City of Brotherly Love 2 ?

[applause]

Let's see, I think that's unanimous.

And now, how many people realize that it was drug prohibition which brought gun violence 3 to Philadelphia in the first place?

[crickets chirping]

I was afraid of that.

Now then, let's try this again.

How many people want to restore our inner cities?

[applause]

How many want to restore the rule of law in Latin America?

[applause]

How many want to end the mass arrest of minorities?

[applause]

How many want to end drug prohibition which causes all of these problems in the first place?

[cricket chirping]

I was afraid of that too!



Notes:

1: Firearm Violence in the United States Center for Gun Violence Solutions, Johns Hopkins University (up)
2: The Philadelphia Citizen (up)
3: Firearm Violence in the United States Center for Gun Violence Solutions, Johns Hopkins University (up)


Comedy




The drug war is laughable -- or it would be if the drug warriors hadn't deprived us of laughing gas, the substance that William James himself used to study alternate realities.

  • A Drug Warrior in our Midst
  • A Misguided Tour of Monticello
  • American City Homicide Awards 2021
  • Blowing Up Arkansas
  • Campfire Stories about America's Drug War
  • Comedian Adderall Zoloft Riffs on the Drug War
  • COPS PRESENTS the top 10 traffic stops of 2023
  • Dragnet meets the Drug War
  • Drug War Comedy Routine
  • Drug War Copaganda
  • Drug War Jeopardy!
  • Drug War: the Musical!
  • Funny Animated Gifs about America's imperialist and racist Drug War
  • One of these things is not like the other
  • Plants Divine, All Plants Excelling
  • Public Service Announcements for the Post-Drug War Era
  • Rat Out Your Neighbors
  • The DEA: Poisoning Americans since 1973
  • The Drug War Board Game
  • The Joy of Drug Testing
  • The Only Good Hippo...
  • Thought Crimes Blotter
  • Torture 101 at DEA University
  • We have nothing to fear but the drug war itself
  • What's My Line?





  • Ten Tweets

    against the hateful war on US




    Opium is a godsend, as folks like Galen, Avicenna and Paracelsus knew. The drug war has facilitated a nightmare by outlawing peaceable use at home and making safe use almost impossible.

    Psychedelics and entheogens should be freely available to all dementia patients. These medicines can increase neuronal plasticity and even grow new neurons. Besides, they can inspire and elate -- or do we puritans feel that our loved ones have no right to peace of mind?

    Cocaine use is a blessing for some, just a little fun for most, and a curse for a few. Just like any other risky activity. We need to educate people about drugs rather than endlessly arresting them for attempting to improve their mental power!

    In a sane world, we'd package laughing gas for safe use and give it to the suicidal -- saying, "Use before attempting to kill yourself." But drug warriors would rather have suicide than drug use.

    It is folly to put bureaucrats in charge of second-guessing drug prescriptions: what such bureaucrats are really doing is second-guessing the various philosophies of life which are presupposed by the way we use psychoactive drugs.

    All drugs have positive uses. It's absurd to prohibit using them because one demographic might misuse them.

    In his book "Salvia Divinorum: The Sage of the Seers," Ross Heaven explains how "salvinorin A" is the strongest hallucinogen in the world and could treat Alzheimer's, AIDS, and various addictions. But America would prefer to demonize and outlaw the drug.

    Some fat cat should treat the entire Supreme Court to a vacation at San Jose del Pacifico in Mexico, where they can partake of the magic mushroom in a ceremony led by a Zapotec guide.

    The media called out Trump for fearmongering about immigrants, but the media engages in fearmongering when it comes to drugs. The latest TV plot line: "white teenage girl forced to use fentanyl!" America loves to feel morally superior about "drugs."

    We're living in a sci-fi dystopia called "Fahrenheit 452", in which the police burn thought-expanding plants instead of thought-expanding books.


    Click here to see All Tweets against the hateful War on Us






    Withdrawing from antidepressants in the age of the Drug War
    How Drug Prohibition turns Americans into patients for life


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    Thanks for visiting The Drug War Philosopher at abolishthedea.com, featuring essays against America's disgraceful drug war. Updated daily.

    Copyright 2025, Brian Ballard Quass Contact: quass@quass.com


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