Listen to a dramatic reenactment of this story. Click the audio link above.
Dr. Scumbag, you're wanted in the penitentiary. Dr. Scumbag to the penitentiary, please.
FRIDAY: My name is Friday. I carry a drug testing kit.
I had just gotten the call from headquarters. It seems some children in a Van Nuys hospice center were being given morphine to treat some quote unquote severe pain. I thought I'd check out the report. If doctors are really dealing junk to children, heads have got to roll.
So thinking, I turned to my partner Frank and said...
Chop-chop, baby. There's a report of some bigtime drug abuse at Panorama City Medical Center.
FRANK: Panorama City Medical? Isn't that in a drug free zone?
FRIDAY: That's right, Frank. It's practically right across the street from Ranchito Avenue Elementary School.
FRANK: Yeah. Those drug dealing scumbags will be eligible for the death penalty if we catch them trying to dope up those helpless kids.
FRIDAY: Turn on the light show, Frank, my scumbag radar is going off.
FRANK: Say, what is a hospice anyway, Joe?
FRIDAY: A hospice? I don't know exactly, but it's obviously some kind of hospital.
FRANK: Whee doggie, you mean we're going to be arresting doctors?
FRIDAY: That's right, Frank. At least if we can keep ourselves from shooting them in cold blood when we see them dealing junk to the unsuspecting children.
2:38 P.M. We arrived at the hospital and made a self-righteous beeline for the Admissions department, where we were greeted by the receptionist.
RECEPTIONIST: How may I help you, gentlemen?
FRIDAY: We're looking for the Hospice Center.
RECEPTIONIST: Upstairs and to the left. Next?
FRANK: I'm with him!
RECEPTIONIST: All right, keep your shirt on. Jesus.
FRIDAY: 2:39 P.M. With guns drawn, we ran up the stairs and out into an open area full of hospital beds where we stopped to reconnoiter.
FRANK: I give up, Joe? Where exactly is this hospice center? All I see is a bunch of sick children.
FRIDAY: Did you say sick children, Frank?
FRANK: Yes, I did, Joe. Why?
FRIDAY: Then this must actually BE the hospice center.
FRANK: Good catch, Joe. What now?
FRIDAY: Now we just hide ourselves behind this water cooler and wait for a doctor to come along with the goodies.
FRANK: How can they do it, Joe? I mean, the kids are already sick. And now they want to turn them into addicts as well?
FRIDAY: I know, right? But get behind the water cooler so that we can catch them in flagrante delicto.
FRANK: In fragrant what?
FRIDAY: Never mind, Frank, just hide.
2:41 P.M. We waited for what seemed like hours but was actually only three minutes. Finally our patience was rewarded as a doctor walked in carrying a very suspicious looking syringe.
GIRL: Doctor, it hurts.
DOCTOR: Don't worry, sweetie. This will make you feel better.
FRANK: No it most certainly won't. Drop the syringe now!
DOCTOR: Who are you?
FRIDAY: We're your worst nightmare. Now drop the syringe and come away from the little girl.
DOCTOR: But she's in pain.
FRANK: The nerve of this guy, trying to use the little girl's unfortunate medical condition to excuse his own sordid drug pushing.
GIRL: What's happening?
FRIDAY: Everything's fine, honey. This man isn't going to bother you ever again.
2:55 P.M. We arrived back at headquarters with scumbag in tow. Our lab guys verified that the syringe was indeed filled with medical-grade morphine, enough to bring peaceful sleep to dozens of hospice kids, thereby turning them into mindless junkified addicts for life.
FRANK: When will folks learn that drugs are not the answer, Joe?
FRIDAY: Hopefully not before December 31st, 2045, Frank.
FRANK: Why's that, Joe?
FRIDAY: Because that's when I retire from the police force, Frank.
FRANK: Oh.
ANNOUNCER: On November 9th, trial was held in the superior court of Los Angeles county. The scumbag was found guilty of 7 counts of drug possession, drug dealing, and contributing to the delinquency of a minor. He is currently on death row. In a strange twist, the hospice is reporting an unusually high rate of deaths among their young clientele. Police theorize that the creep was not only injecting kids with drugs, but with contaminated drugs at that.
In "Four Good Days" the pompous white-coated doctor ignores the entire formulary of mother nature and instead throws the young heroin user on a cot for 3 days of cold turkey and a shot of Naltrexone: price tag $3,000.
Americans believe scientists when they say that drugs like MDMA are not proven effective. That's false. They are super effective and obviously so. It's just that science holds entheogenic medicines to the standards of reductive materialism. That's unfair and inappropriate.
The confusion arises because materialists insist that every psychological problem is actually a physical problem, hence the disease-mongering of the DSM. This is antithetical to the shamanic approach, which sees people holistically, as people, not patients.
Hollywood presents cocaine as a drug of killers. In reality, strategic cocaine use by an educated person can lead to great mental power, especially as just one part of a pharmacologically balanced diet. That's why drug warriors want to outlaw free speech, to hide such facts.
The DEA stomped onto Thomas Jefferson's estate in 1987 and confiscated the founding father's poppy plants in violation of everything he stood for, politically speaking. And the TJ Foundation helped them! They sold out Jefferson.
"I can take this drug that inspires me and makes me compassionate and teaches me to love nature in its byzantine complexity, or I can take Prozac which makes me unable to cry at my parents' funeral. Hmm. Which shall it be?" Only a mad person in a mad world would choose SSRIs.
Alcohol makes me sleepy. But NOT coca wine. The wine gives you an upbeat feeling of controlled energy, without the jitters of coffee and without the fury of steroids. It increases rather than dulls mental focus.
Here's the first step in the FDA process for evaluating a psychoactive drug:
Ignore all glaringly obvious benefits
If there is an epidemic of "self-harm," prohibitionists never think of outlawing razor blades. They ask: "Why the self-harm?" But if there is an epidemic of drug use which they CLAIM is self-harm, they never ask "Why the self-harm?" They say: "Let's prohibit and punish!"
It's always wrong to demonize drugs in the abstract. That's anti-scientific. It begs so many questions and leaves suffering pain patients (and others) high and dry. No substance is bad in and of itself.
Buy the Drug War Comic Book by the Drug War Philosopher Brian Quass, featuring 150 hilarious op-ed pics about America's disgraceful war on Americans
You have been reading an article entitled, Calling Doctor Scumbag: a radio play about that crazy drug war!, published on October 28, 2023 on AbolishTheDEA.com. For more information about America's disgraceful drug war, which is anti-patient, anti-minority, anti-scientific, anti-mother nature, imperialistic, the establishment of the Christian Science religion, a violation of the natural law upon which America was founded, and a childish and counterproductive way of looking at the world, one which causes all of the problems that it purports to solve, and then some, visit the drug war philosopher, at abolishTheDEA.com. (philosopher's bio; go to top of this page)
You have been reading an article entitled, Calling Doctor Scumbag: a radio play about that crazy drug war!, published on October 28, 2023 on AbolishTheDEA.com. For more information about America's disgraceful drug war, which is anti-patient, anti-minority, anti-scientific, anti-mother nature, imperialistic, the establishment of the Christian Science religion, a violation of the natural law upon which America was founded, and a childish and counterproductive way of looking at the world, one which causes all of the problems that it purports to solve, and then some, visit the drug war philosopher, at abolishTheDEA.com. (philosopher's bio; go to top of this page)
