computer screen with words DRUG WAR BLOG


Drug War: the Musical!



by Ballard Quass, the Drug War Philosopher






June 15, 2023

he horrible and omnipresent effects of the Drug War cry out to be pilloried onstage. And I mean that literally, as the budding playwright in me can already envision a hospice full of crying children singing the heartbreaking ballad "Make It Stop!" as their doctors, fearful of losing their jobs, refuse to give them sufficient morphine to ease their pain.


"Make It Stop" by the Hospice Kids



Then, of course, there would be the rousing patriotic number in which prospective employees of Home Depot proudly proclaim the fact that "We Pee to Get Employed!" (Now, work with me here. You see, you'd hear the urine streams jetting rhythmically off-stage as the job candidates emerge obediently from their respective restrooms in 2/4 time, holding that glistening beaker full of liquid evidence of their moral purity -- or lack thereof).


"We Pee to Get Employed" by the Drug War Generation



Another must-have ditty in such a show would be "We're Coming In!", featuring a phalanx of DEA agents in full battle regalia rhythmically kicking down American doors while half-singing and half-chanting the aggressive bass lines "We're Coming In!", as the impotent soprano cries of grandmothers and children alternately chide them and cry for mercy, not to mention for common sense and at least a modicum of simple humanity.


"We're Coming In" by Narco and the Doorkickers



In other words, I hereby call for the creation of "DRUG WAR: THE MUSICAL!"

Unfortunately, I have neither enough time nor enough Coca Wine available to create such a masterpiece.

But maybe you can help with the play? All I ask is a share of the residuals.

Of course, historically speaking, these Quixotic appeals of mine usually go unanswered...

but that won't stop me from coming up with more musical numbers wherewith to stick it to the Drug Warriors and put them on the defensive at long last. So watch this space!

By the time David Mamet contacts me, he'll just have to tie the whole thing up in a pretty knot and throw it on stage! And then, hey presto, as the British say!

I'm thinking the DEA agents could be goose-stepping and busting handheld doors as they're marching down Main Street on Drug War Day!

NOTE: Scroll down to watch the YouTube video below for a sing-along version of "We Pee to Get Employed!" aka "We're the Drug War Generation."1

Watch this space for more admittedly exciting and no-doubt hilarious ideas for the eventually upcoming stage hit: "DRUG WAR: THE MUSICAL!"


Comedy







The drug war is laughable -- or it would be if the drug warriors hadn't deprived us of laughing gas, the substance that William James himself used to study alternate realities. (Gee, thanks, folks, for censoring academia. Don't worry, though, I'm not going to call you prohibitionists 'fascist bastards' on THAT account. Mom just didn't raise me like that.)_

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  • Blowing Up Arkansas
  • Campfire Stories about America's Drug War
  • Comedian Adderall Zoloft Riffs on the Drug War
  • COPS PRESENTS the top 10 traffic stops of 2023
  • Dragnet meets the Drug War
  • Drug War Comedy Routine
  • Drug War Copaganda
  • Drug War Jeopardy!
  • Drug War: the Musical!
  • Funny Animated Gifs about America's imperialist and racist Drug War
  • One of these things is not like the other
  • Plants Divine, All Plants Excelling
  • Public Service Announcements for the Post-Drug War Era
  • Rat Out Your Neighbors
  • The DEA: Poisoning Americans since 1973
  • The Drug War Board Game
  • The Joy of Drug Testing
  • Thought Crimes Blotter




  • Notes:

    1 The video entitled "We Pee to Get Employed" is the a/v equivalent of "out of print." But it's actually on a YouTube website somewhere. The fact is, it's so unvisited that even I myself have lost track of it. But if you're committed enough to reading thus far in a mere footnote on this topic, I'm sure you can dish up that content without a silver platter from ME. (up)



    computer screen with words DRUG WAR BLOG


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    Some Tweets against the hateful war on drugs

    We would never have even heard of Freud except for cocaine. How many geniuses is America stifling even as we speak thanks to the war on mind improving medicines?
    If NIDA covered all drugs (not just politically ostracized drugs), they'd produce articles like this: "Aspirin continues to kill hundreds." "Penicillin misuse approaching crisis levels." "More bad news about Tylenol and liver damage." "Study revives cancer fears from caffeine."
    That's how Governor Kotek is currently "dealing" with the homelessness problem in Oregon: by arresting her way out of it, in fealty to fearmongering drug warriors.
    Health is not a quality, it's a balance. To decide legality based on 'health' grounds thus opens a Pandora's box of different points of view.
    The search for SSRIs has always been based on a flawed materialist premise that human consciousness is nothing but a mix of brain chemicals and so depression can be treated medically like any other physical condition.
    The goal of drug-law reform should be to outlaw prohibition. Anything short of that, and our basic rights will always be subject to veto by fearmongers. Outlawing prohibition would restore the Natural Law of Jefferson, which the DEA scorned in 1987 with its raid on Monticello.
    The Cabinet of Caligari ('62) ends with a shameless display of psychiatric triumphalism. Happy shock therapy patients waltz freely about a mansion in which the "sick" protagonist has just been "cured" by tranquilizers and psychoanalysis. Did Robert Bloch believe his own script?
    The FDA tells us that MDMA is not safe. This is the same FDA that tells us that "shock therapy" is safe.
    I might as well say that no one can ever be taught to ride a horse safely. I would argue as follows: "Look at Christopher Reeves. He was a responsible and knowledgeable equestrian. But he couldn't handle horses. The fact is, NO ONE can handle horses!"
    Ketamine is like any other drug. It has good uses for certain people in certain situations. Nowadays, people insist that a drug be okay in every situation for everybody (especially American teens) before they will say that it's okay. That's crazy and anti-scientific.
    More Tweets






    front cover of Drug War Comic Book

    Buy the Drug War Comic Book by the Drug War Philosopher Brian Quass, featuring 150 hilarious op-ed pics about America's disgraceful war on Americans



    You have been reading an article entitled, Drug War: the Musical! published on June 15, 2023 on AbolishTheDEA.com. For more information about America's disgraceful drug war, which is anti-patient, anti-minority, anti-scientific, anti-mother nature, imperialistic, the establishment of the Christian Science religion, a violation of the natural law upon which America was founded, and a childish and counterproductive way of looking at the world, one which causes all of the problems that it purports to solve, and then some, visit the drug war philosopher, at abolishTheDEA.com. (philosopher's bio; go to top of this page)