How Drug Warriors Steal American Elections
by Ballard Quass, the Drug War Philosopher
October 27, 2019
[standup]
Welcome back to the DEA Lounge!
[applaud]
How many people realize that American elections are fixed? Let's see a show of hands.
[gasp]
You heard me. American elections are fixed, and they have been fixed for the last 40 years.
[gasp]
How? No, it has nothing to do with the Russians. It's because the drug war, each year, is locking up almost a million left-leaning voters.
[gasp]
Think about it. The folks that we're arresting for mere drug possession were never going to vote for conservatives, so it follows that it is in the conservative interest to keep the drug war going full tilt, to keep a million left-leaning Americans off the voting rolls every year.
[gasp]
This is why the drug war goes on, because we're arresting all the voters that would throw the drug warriors out of office.
[boo]
Nowadays, we see national elections decided by mere thousands of votes -- so just imagine the enormous benefit that drug war conservatives receive when a million of their opponents are removed from the voting rolls every year thanks to a felony charge for possession.
[gasp]
Did I mention that this actually bothers me?
[applaud]
This is why, far from apologizing for being mad, I urge my fellow Americans to become as pissed as I am.
[applaud]
As for the Christian Science narcs in the room, relax. I'm just suggesting -- merely hinting -- that you just possibly might want to consider a career that does not entail the corruption of American elections and the denial of basic rights to your fellow Americans, that's all I'm saying. Just think about it. Just think that you might possibly (just maybe) want to stop ruining a million lives a year, thereby subverting American elections. Fair enough?
[laughter]
As for the rest of you lot, enough with the oh-so-cool cynicism about civic involvement. Hop out of the urine-testing line and complain for a change!
Baaaa!
All right, who just bleated? Don't make me come out there!
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You have been reading an article entitled, How Drug Warriors Steal American Elections published on October 27, 2019 on AbolishTheDEA.com. For more information about America's disgraceful drug war, which is anti-patient, anti-minority, anti-scientific, anti-mother nature, imperialistic, the establishment of the Christian Science religion, a violation of the natural law upon which America was founded, and a childish and counterproductive way of looking at the world, one which causes all of the problems that it purports to solve, and then some, visit the drug war philosopher, at abolishTheDEA.com. (philosopher's bio; go to top of this page)