computer screen with words DRUG WAR BLOG


Surprise Drug Test!

No sharing answers -- or urine!

by Ballard Quass, the Drug War Philosopher




March 4, 2020

up! Stay right where you are. This site is implementing a surprise drug test on all site visitors.

Hey, zip your zippers back up, guys! My word! This is not THAT kind of drug test -- though I see that the Drug War has already conditioned you folks to submit meekly to the unConstitutional demands of America's Christian Science Sharia, according to which no one is allowed transcendence except through alcohol, with Mother Nature's plants being completely off-limits for that purpose.

Have a seat, and please use a number two pencil -- or a mouse. Whatever.

1) I only have a true right to the plants that government has decided are politically acceptable for personal use. True or false?

2) The Drug War is flawed because it can't work. True or false?

3) Opium is a drug from hell and should be eradicated at all cost. True or false?

4) Cocaine is evil because it is associated with murder, money laundering, and inner-city violence. True or false?


[five minutes later]

I see several of you are still furiously scribbling -- which is odd, first because this is not an essay test and second because you should probably be using your mouse, not your pencil.

Those of you who are finished should put your heads down on your desk top, just like in grade school.

Psych! Not really. I'm just seeing how far you guys will abase yourselves, given the fact that 99% of you would gladly give your urine to faceless corporations for them to verify that you have been a patriotic American and forsworn Mother Nature's medical bounty entirely.

Mind you, I can't blame you, since American Sharia states that you either submit to that body check or you starve, insofar as you are pushed out of the drug-testing work environment. Drug testing, indeed. Let's see them start testing to see if anyone drank alcohol in the last month. That would be REAL drug testing. Everything else is just Anheuser Busch's way of cornering the market on providing human transcendence.

Now, where was I? Oh, yes. STOP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Jimmy, will you collect the papers, please? And zip your fly up while you're at it. For Chrissakes!

OK, here are the answers:

1) I only have a true right to the plants that government has decided are politically acceptable for personal use. True or false?


The answer is false. Our access to (and use of) plants is guaranteed by natural law, by no less an authority than John Locke. Common law (and what law is more common than the drug law) cannot justifiably rescind our right to access and use Mother Nature's plant medicines.


2) The Drug War is flawed because it can't work. True or false?


False! The Drug War is a violation of natural law. It is the institution of Christian Science sharia in the States and Drug War colonialism abroad. It doesn't matter whether it could "work" -- the point is that it should not and must not work. The miracle powers of mother nature's medicines are not something government has a right to dole out or withhold based on political considerations. When they try to do so, they create a violent black market and run roughshod over the rights of ancient civilizations and cultures, forcing them to turn to alcohol rather than the moderate time-honored use of opium and the coca plant. That colonialism must not succeed. The Drug War is flawed, root and branch.


3) Opium is a drug from hell and should be eradicated at all cost. True or false?


False. {^Opium has been used in moderation by cultures for millennia. When the upstart US travels abroad to eradicate the opium poppy, they are simply forcing other countries to accept alcohol as the drug of choice.}{ Likewise, when the DEA stomps onto Monticello in jackboots and steals Thomas Jefferson's poppy plants, they are simply insisting on the supremacy of alcohol as the one and only allowable drug of transcendence in the United States -- a shabby vomit-inducing substance when compared to the moderate use of the substances which we have decided to hate as a matter of political policy.


4) Cocaine is evil because it is associated with murder, money laundering, and inner-city violence. True or false?


False. Yes, cocaine is associated with murder, money laundering and inner-city violence, but why this connection? Answer: Because of the Drug War, which creates a violent black market, as do any laws that forbid the use of a popular and prevalent substance. Was the coca plant the plant from hell when it helped Sigmund Freud attain self-fulfillment in life through incessant work? Is it a plant from hell when used ritually in South America? No, coca is from hell only in the minds of the Drug Warrior who thinks that any drug comes from hell if it dares to compete with alcohol when it comes to providing human beings with relaxation and self-transcendence.


Score Your Results



1 wrong: You are bamboozled by the Drug War. Your punishment? Read Ceremonial Chemistry by Thomas Szasz.. It should clear your head of the remaining illogical cobwebs spun there by the hyperactive spider of Drug War propaganda.

2 wrong: You are really confused, my child. Your penance is to read not only Ceremonial Chemistry by Thomas Szasz. but at least one other book from the Anti-DEA bookstore here at abolishthedea.com.

3 wrong: The bad news is, you have been totally bamboozled by Drug War propaganda. The good news is, I've got some swamp land in New Jersey for you that I can pass on at a bargain price! Meanwhile, for your punishment, buy and read at least THREE books from the Anti-DEA bookstore here at abolishthedea.com.

4 wrong: Your name wouldn't happen to be Jesse Jackson, Sr., would it? No? How about Donald Trump? Because it's hard to know who is more screwed up by Drug War prejudice these days, the left or the right. Your punishment... Oh, never mind, you're hopeless, I'm afraid. Unless you really WANT to change, in which case I plead with you to buy and read at least FOUR (count 'em, FOUR) books from the Anti-DEA bookstore here at abolishthedea.com.

By the way, if you got them all right, congratulations! Please get in touch with me and tell me so, because I'd love to hear that I'm not the last man on earth that understands these things, now that the clear-eyed but shamefully ignored Thomas Szazs is no longer with us. If you don't think that Thomas Szazs' insights are shamefully ignored, just read pretty much any article in the mainstream (or, indeed, even fringe) media on the subject of the Drug War. Every single one of them that I've read is in the thrall of one or more of the kind of nonsensical drug-war assumptions highlighted above. It's not just that they don't agree with Szasz, it's that they never even bother to address his many cogent points, let alone refute them, so convinced are they of one or more of the tacit assumptions held dear by the good old-fashioned patriotic Drug Warrior of 21st-century America.


What Have We Learned




It's amazing how many of my students get question number two wrong, even though they consider themselves to be solid foes of the Drug War.

But the fact is that any time I hear or read someone say "The Drug War isn't working," I know that they, too, have been bamboozled by Drug War propaganda.

Why, I want to ask them, SHOULD the Drug War be allowed to work? That's the question.

The Drug War is an instance of the common law trumping the natural law, which should be constitutionally impossible in America. For what could be more patently obvious than that the products of Mother Nature are mine solely by dint of my having been born on planet Earth? Thus the Drug War must be opposed on first principles, without regard to its supposed efficacy in fighting a politically established whipping horse such as "drug abuse." Once we grant that government may legitimately allow or withhold access to the various plants and fungi of the world, we have already surrendered to the Drug Warrior ideology whereby government allows or forbids personal transcendence at will.

Why do so many otherwise sensible freedom advocates make this mistake? It's because they are under the thrall of another bit of Drug War propaganda according to which natural plant medicines (such as opium, coca, and psychedelics) can have no possible use except in supplying a hedonistic "high" for morally challenged individuals.

The obvious response to this complaint, were it true, should be so what? These are still plant substances and it is not in your power to prevent me from using them in a country that is founded on natural law. Yes, you can punish me if I endanger others, but in that case you must punish me for that endangerment, not for the pre-crime offense of using plants.

But, in fact, the Drug Warrior is missing a whole realm of drug use which has nothing to do with hedonism: that use in which a person enters a mind-expanded state in order to improve performance (as in the case of Sigmund Freud) or to become more creative (as in the case of Poe and Lovecraft) or to commune with deity (as in the case of Native Americans and soma-worshipping Indians) or simply to lead a happy life while making others happy (as in the case of Robin Williams or Benjamin Franklin). Besides, even when substance use presents all the outward signs of a hedonistic practice, it yet provides the user with a relaxing break from pressing mortal concerns, and this relaxation can have demonstrably therapeutic results (lower blood pressure, the happiness that naturally arises in anticipation of achieving such occasional blissful states). It doesn't help matters that psychology itself typically ignores these benefits of illegal substances, insisting with the Drug Warrior that our bio-pharmacological whipping boys can have nothing but negative effects for the user.

Unfortunately, many (indeed most) enemies of the Drug War commit this same mistake, insofar as they often argue as follows: "Yes, illegal drug use is irresponsible and regrettable, but it's going to happen anyway, so let's allow it."

It's tepid arguments like this that allow the Drug Warrior to get on a moral high horse, travel abroad, and, in an act of breathtaking imperialism, unilaterally outlaw plant medicines that compete with alcohol, where substances like coca and opium have been used responsibly for millennia, often in religious and ceremonial ways. We simply say, "Drink our alcohol instead," and threaten to punish countries militarily and/or financially should they demur.

How do we live with ourselves after committing these colonialist outrages? We tell ourselves that the substances we have banned are not good for human beings, never questioning why we should be making that determination for the entire world (in the face of millennia of history that says otherwise), especially since our actions represent the de facto promotion of liquor as the one-and-only go-to drug for achieving release and transcendence - a shabby drug whose truly hedonistic use is routinely associated with vomiting, blackout and headaches - to be contrasted starkly with the personal insight and self-awareness that the judicious use of many outlawed plants has been shown to foster.

Why don't even Drug War opponents get this? Because they're in thrall to the Drug War notion that the mere use of illegal substances constitutes, in and of itself, "drug abuse."

To those who think that they are somehow saving the world from addiction, please wake up. America is the most addicted country in the world, with well over 1 in 10 Americans a bounden slave to anti-depressants, some of which have a relapse rate identical to heroin, to say nothing of America's thousands of alcoholics. Which reminds us of the hypocrisy of the Drug Warrior, who sees alcoholism as a personal weakness or disease and considers psychiatric medicine to be scientific and thus beyond reproach. But if one has a problem with any other substance, then it is suddenly the fault of the substance, not the individual.

And so society portrays liquor use as perfectly fine if done responsibly, while ahistorically insisting that there is no such thing as responsible use of substances that our politicians have decided to ban.

Drug Testing







Drug Testing is an anti-American attack on freedom. It destroyed the 4th Amendment to the US Constitution. Its existence means that enemies of the drug war are not allowed to work in the United States of America. That is cruel and unusual punishment, especially when you consider that it's handed down, not by a court, but by a faceless process that has been outsourced by the government to American business.

Sure, it is acceptable to test for actual impairment in certain well-defined situations, but that is not what drug testing is about these days. Drug testing is all about rooting out good workers who happen to use substances about which colonialist politicians disapprove. It is so manifestly evil from a freedom-loving point of view that one scarcely knows how to begin arguing against it. But it's apparently what the drug warriors want: they want to leverage our fear of drugs to destroy American freedoms. They've destroyed the 4th Amendment with drug testing. Meanwhile our religious rights are being trampled by DC bureaucrats who absurdly claim to know whether our religions are "sincere" or not. And Oregon pols launched a plan in early 2024 to outlaw free speech about drugs.

WAKE UP! Drug testing and the drug war in general is all about destroying American democracy -- and democracy around the world, while we're at it. It is Christian Science Uber Alles -- even if the vast majority of drug warriors have never even heard of the drug-hating religion of Mary Baker Eddy.

  • Drug Testing and the Christian Science Inquisition
  • Eight Reasons to End Drug Testing
  • Pissed off about Drug Testing
  • PROTEST DRUG TESTING NOW!
  • Surprise Drug Test!
  • Testing Employee Urine for Fun and Profit
  • The Joy of Drug Testing
  • Urine Testers Needed





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    Next essay: Alternative Medicine as a Drug War Creation
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    More Essays Here




    Some Tweets against the hateful war on drugs

    That's why I created the satirical Partnership for a Death Free America. It demonstrates clearly that drug warriors aren't worried about our health, otherwise they'd outlaw shopping carts, etc. The question then becomes: what are they REALLY afraid of? Answer: Free thinkers.
    This is why we would rather have a depressed person commit suicide than to use "drugs" -- because drugs, after all, are not dealing with the "real" problem. The patient may SAY that drugs make them feel good, but we need microscopes to find out if they REALLY feel good.
    It's depressing. I thought mycology clubs across the US would be protesting drug laws that make mushroom collecting illegal for psychoactive species. But in reality, almost no club even mentions such species. No wonder prohibition is going strong.
    Drug warriors have harnessed the perfect storm. Prohibition caters to the interests of law enforcement, psychotherapy, Big Pharma, demagogues, puritans, and materialist scientists, who believe that consciousness is no big "whoop" and that spiritual states are just flukes.
    Aleister Crowley actually TRIED to get addicted to drugs and found he could not. These things are not inevitable. The fact that there are town drunkards does not mean that we should outlaw alcohol.
    Morphine can provide a vivid appreciation of mother nature in properly disposed minds. That should be seen as a benefit. Instead, dogma tells us that we must hate morphine for any use.
    His answer to political opposition is: "Lock them up!" That's Nazi speak, not American democracy.
    I passed a sign that says "Trust Trump." What does that mean? Trust him to crack down on his opposition using the U.S. Army? Or trust him not to do all the anti-American things that he's saying he's going to do.
    We need to start thinking of drug-related deaths like we do about car accidents: They're terrible, and yet they should move us to make driving safer, not to outlaw driving. To think otherwise is to swallow the drug war lie that "drugs" can have no positive uses.
    Scientists are responsible for endless incarcerations in America. Why? Because they fail to denounce the DEA lie that psychoactive substances have no positive medical uses. This is so obviously wrong that only an academic in an Ivory Tower could believe it.
    More Tweets






    front cover of Drug War Comic Book

    Buy the Drug War Comic Book by the Drug War Philosopher Brian Quass, featuring 150 hilarious op-ed pics about America's disgraceful war on Americans



    You have been reading an article entitled, Surprise Drug Test!: No sharing answers -- or urine!, published on March 4, 2020 on AbolishTheDEA.com. For more information about America's disgraceful drug war, which is anti-patient, anti-minority, anti-scientific, anti-mother nature, imperialistic, the establishment of the Christian Science religion, a violation of the natural law upon which America was founded, and a childish and counterproductive way of looking at the world, one which causes all of the problems that it purports to solve, and then some, visit the drug war philosopher, at abolishTheDEA.com. (philosopher's bio; go to top of this page)