Your Call is Impotent to Us
Thank you for calling Podunk Behavioral Health Clinic. Please listen carefully to the following options as our menu has recently changed.
If you are calling for addiction services, press 1.
If you are calling for medication management, press 2.
WOMAN: Praise God.
Or press the star key to repeat the selections;
[beep]
If you are calling for addiction services, press 1.
If you are calling for medication management, press 2.
WOMAN: Praise God.
Or press the star key to repeat the selections;
[beep]
Press 3 if you are sick and tired of having to buy an expensive, addictive and ineffective medicine every three months of your life, when there is a whole rain forest full of psychoactive godsends out there that could all but cure you even as we speak, giving you a new sense of purpose and motivation were it not for the fact that the US government has criminalized plants, in violation of the natural law upon which America was founded. Or press 4 to repeat this message.
[beep]
Press 3 if you are sick and tired of having to buy an expensive, addictive and ineffective medicine every three months of your life, when there is a whole rain forest full of psychoactive godsends out there that could all but cure you even as we speak, giving you a new sense of purpose and motivation were it not for the fact that the US government has criminalized plants, in violation of the natural law upon which America was founded. Or press 4 to repeat this message.
We are experiencing a higher than usual call volume. We appreciate your patience. Please remain on the line while you think about the time and money you are wasting now that modern psychiatry has turned you into an eternal patient.
[playing "What Do You Do with the Drunken Sailor?"]
We are experiencing a higher than usual call volume. We appreciate your patience. Please remain on the line while you think about the time and money you are wasting now that modern psychiatry has turned you into an eternal patient.
[playing "Up on the Housetop"]
Did you know that prescription refills should be phoned in at least a week in advance to ensure proper service? Remember, staff are under strict orders not to help you out should you run out of medicine after business hours, never mind the fact that most of the maintenance meds that you guys are on can cause medical issues for those who stop them abruptly. But then what's more important, folks: your health or your doctor's golf game.
Please continue holding for a representative. You call will be answered in the order that it was received.
[playing "Pomp and Circumstance"]
We're sorry. Our representatives are eating an unusually large volume of donuts. Please hold for the next available representative.